Smile
by Yamamuri Sadako
Summary: Ever wonder what the 'C' stands for in Johnny's name? ch. 7 up
1. Coming Home The Photo Album

Smile  
  
Ch.1: Coming Home; The Photo Album  
  
A/n: Happiness! Happiness! Yes, I am happy! (Runs off screaming, while popping anti-psychosis pills) Taproot owns the song 'Smile', and I get to own an older Squee! This takes place three years after Johnny leaves on vacation. So, Squee's...I dunno, six? (I'm not good at math.)  
  
Johnny C. whistled softly to himself as he drove back to his hometown. His hair had grown back, now shoulder length, and was momentarily fashioned in a low ponytail. Johnny hoped to God (if there was one) that he had changed. He hoped that he wasn't like he was three years earlier. He thought of Squee, and wondered how the boy had gotten on with out him. He turned onto the street where his home was. He was shocked to see it destroyed and cornered off with police tape. Johnny drew a sharp intake of breath as he saw pieces of torn Happy Noodle Boy comics littered among the wreckage.  
  
* Smile  
  
Can't you see I am still me?  
  
Anti-authority  
  
Same philosophy  
  
Enjoying life as much as I can, I will  
  
** Trying to create this contagious smile  
  
With that passion that I long to succeed in my ways  
  
Days pass by   
  
I am not gonna sit here no more  
  
No more  
  
No more ** *  
  
Johnny walked next door and quietly knocked on Squee's window. The boy had changed in appearance over the past three years. He was taller, and thinner. He also had numerous bruises on his arms and face, either from kids at his school, or from his father's drunken rages.  
  
"Hey Squeegee, remember me?"  
  
Squee blinked. A teddy bear who was covered in stitches was sitting on the bed, glaring mincingly at Johnny. Nny glared back. Squee spoke. Of all things that had changed about him, the frightened voice had not.  
  
"You're the neighbor from next door- the homicidal..." Squee started.  
  
"Maniac?" offered Johnny placidly.  
  
"That was me... but that Johnny is dead now...At least I hope he is."  
  
* Won't you see?   
  
You're not me  
  
Why would you want to be?  
  
You're an individual   
  
On your own  
  
Do what you want  
  
'Cause you want to  
  
** Trying to create this contagious smile  
  
With that passion that I long to succeed in my ways  
  
Days pass by   
  
I am not gonna sit here no more  
  
No more  
  
No more ** *  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked Squee.  
  
Johnny sat on Squee's bed, his head in his hands.  
  
"I've come home. I was going to totally redo my house, destroy every last thing that would remind me of my former self. Now my house is gone. I'll have to change my name. But the police were all too afraid of me to get my name, or even a sketch... I just need to sleep it off. I'll think clearer in the morning," Johnny said.  
  
Squee stepped out of the room and returned with blankets and a pillow.  
  
"Here, you can sleep on the floor, seeing as your place is gone. You can stay here until you get an apartment, or something,"  
  
Johnny smiled.  
  
"Thanks Squee,"  
  
Squee rolled his eyes.  
  
"My name's Todd,"  
  
"I take it you don't want to be reminded of your past either? Hey, I'm sorry for all the shit I've put you through. Killing those people right in front of you... God, I was sick. That's another reason why I'm here. To apologize...I should have been more considerate," Johnny said quietly.  
  
"You were crazy," said Squee, turning off the bedroom light.  
  
"I was crazy, but I want you to know that I'm okay now, I have more medications than a Fred Myers pharmacy,"  
  
Squee turned on the light. He got up and picked up a book. He returned to the bed and opened to book, which turned out to be a photo album. Johnny looked at the pictures.   
  
There was Squee's father asleep at the computer.  
  
But there was one particular picture that Johnny had requested to look at again.  
  
It was a family picture. A happy mother with her son. Johnny looked at the boy; he looked about ten. The child was not Squee.  
  
"Who is that?" Johnny asked.  
  
"That's my mom, with my older brother," Todd replied.  
  
"Where's your brother now? Why doesn't he rescue you from this hell?" Johnny inquired.  
  
Squee sighed.  
  
"My brother died a long time ago. He was in a car accident when he was sixteen,"  
  
Johnny looked back at the picture. That boy was so familiar, how did he know him? Johnny pulled the picture out an read the back. What he read startled him.  
  
"Oh my god..." he whispered, his voice shook, his hand trembled, and tears welled in his eyes.  
  
"What is it?" Todd asked.  
  
Johnny looked at the picture in disbelief. He choked on the words.  
  
"It's me..." 


	2. ch 2

Smile  
  
Ch. 2: Saving Squee  
  
A/N: I'm actually writing something I LIKE! It's a bloody miracle! This chapter is rated PG-13 for death, child abuse, and alcohol. Thank you. As for the writer who flamed my work: YOU CAN KISS MY TALENTED REAR!!! I've noticed that you enjoy bring down others' self-esteem for their work...Can't bring down what ain't there, my friend! I have NOT read any of the SQUEE books so I do not know what Squee's real mum's name is, or Squee's actual age. To all the people who reviewed me: I thank you... I IS THE MOOSE!!! The photo date may be wrong... I'm a special ed math student... I'm STUPID!! YAY!!!   
  
Squee looked at the picture. Johnny turned it over so the names could be read.  
  
"Brenda and Johnny Casail: 1983,"  
  
Nny stared. His voice cracked.  
  
"It's me..." he repeated.  
  
Squee looked into Johnny's eyes.  
  
"I never knew my brother, but I can see him in your eyes," he said.  
  
Johnny allowed the picture to flutter to the ground. He held his head in his hands.  
  
"I can't really remember the accident... But I can still hear the sound of crunching metal... the shattering of glass... my screams piercing the night. I can vaguely remember the face of the drunken bastard who rammed me head on that night, he seemed so familiar, as though I had seen him before,"  
  
Squee noticed tears were trickling down Johnny's face. He gave his brother a light hug.  
  
"You don't have to recall any of it now. Maybe you'll remember in the morning,"  
  
A drunken voice, slurred and guttural, roared angrily through the house.  
  
"SON!" It was Mr. Casail. He was calling Squee.  
  
"COME DOWN HERE AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINCE!!"   
  
Squee's eyes widened in terror.  
  
"Oh no, Dad's drunk again..." he whispered.  
  
Nny noticed vivid bruises and cuts on Squee's arms and face. Johnny quickly hid under the bed.  
  
Mr. Casail stormed into the room in a drunken rage.  
  
"Didn't you hear me, you piece of shit?!" he cried.  
  
Squee flinched, preparing for a blow to fall. His father struck him across the face, sending him into the wall.  
  
"Who were you talking to, Todd? What's you teddy bear saying NOW?!"  
  
Squee trembled.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!" he cried. Casail struck Squee again, his wedding ring cutting into his son's forehead.  
  
Johnny could hear the commotion from under the bed. He had to wait to make his move. He heard a clicking sound: Casail had pulled out a switchblade knife. Squee screamed.  
  
"NOOOO!"  
  
Johnny pulled himself out from under the bed.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!!!" he cried. He gasped has his father turned to face him. He remembered that face... Johnny realized that his own father had rammed him head on with his car 4 years earlier, causing the car accident that caused his memory lapse... the accident which transformed him into the monster he had exposed his own brother to three years ago...  
  
"You," he whispered.  
  
"You caused the car accident that nearly killed me! You don't remember me, do you, Dad?"  
  
Mr. Casail blinked.  
  
"I have no older son, he died at my hands. I was going to kill him anyway, so now I'll finish off Todd," he slurred. He raised the knife above his head and prepared to stab Squee, but Johnny grabbed him round the middle and threw him to the floor.  
  
"If you want to kill him, you'll have to get through me," he said.  
  
Mr. Casail didn't move, he'd been knocked out. Nny turned to his brother.  
  
"Are you all right? Did he stab you?" he asked, noticing the blood oozing from the wound on Squee's forehead.  
  
Squee was trembling.  
  
"I'm okay, he does that all the..." Squee stopped, he noticed a figure moving slowly near the edge of the bed.  
  
"LOOK OUT JOHNNY!"  
  
It was too late. Mr. Casail grabbed Johnny around the neck and stabbed him in the side. Johnny gasped, a look of shock and pain on his face. He pulled the knife out of his side, screaming as he did so. Mr. Casail smirked as his older son fell to the floor. Johnny pulled himself up to Squee's bed.  
  
"Squee...Take the knife...You have to end this hell..." he whispered. He gasped in pain and blacked out.  
  
A/N: This is a lame chapter, I think. I will update soon-I hope... 


	3. ch 3

Smile  
  
Ch. 3: Hospital Stay; The Psychiatry Appointment  
  
A/N: I have self-esteem now... I'm not used to it... Oh well! Yesss...Drool over my magical powers! I have powers pinto beans can only dream of! +cough+ My eyes are hurting... my damn glasses are too weak...owie...I give Nny a middle name... OH GOD! MY KINGDOM FOR SOME EYE DROPS!! I own myself; I'm Johnny's psychiatrist. This gets into a bit of a romance (I need a boyfriend...I am so jealous of, Gaz*!) * a friend of mine...Audioslave owns the song "What You Are", from which an excerpt is taken.   
  
Squee looked at the knife, it was stained with his brother's blood. The life force trickled down the handle and onto Squee's hand. The boy took a deep breath; he was going to do what Shmee wanted... Damn bear. Choking back sobs, Squee stabbed his father in the neck. Hot tears fell onto his father's body. He didn't know what to do. He turned and checked Johnny's pulse. He was still alive. Thinking quickly, Squee called an ambulance, explaining that he had killed his father in self-defense. Squee sat at the doorstep, holding Shmee, and waited for the ambulance.  
  
Back inside the house, Johnny stirred. He yelped in pain and put a hand to his side. The blood was beginning to congeal around the wound. Nny saw the knife sticking out of his father's throat. He felt light headed from fear and blood loss. Would he be arrested for his past crimes? If that were going to happen, then who would take care of Squee? Johnny had no idea where their mother was... He blinked in pain as he saw the red lights of the ambulance as it pulled up to the drive way. He could hear the voices of the paramedics talking to Squee.  
  
"Where's the stab victim?"  
  
Johnny called out in a hoarse voice.  
  
"I'm in here!" he called.  
  
The paramedics raced into Squee's bedroom. One of them injected an anesthetic into Johnny's arm.  
  
"Squee..." Johnny whispered, he could feel the knock out drug working it's way through his bloodstream. The boy held his brother's hand.  
  
"I'm here, Johnny," he said.  
  
Johnny blinked back tears.  
  
"I'm sorry- I shouldn't...have..." he fell asleep before he could finish the sentence.  
  
Another paramedic pulled Squee away from Nny.  
  
"Do you have any other family, kiddo?"  
  
Squee sniffed.  
  
"The only living family I have is Johnny...I want to go to the hospital with him,"  
  
The paramedic nodded.  
  
"Okay, you can go with us. Mind you, he'll have needles and IV tubes in him, I hope you're not scared of that kinda thing,"  
  
Squee sighed and stepped into the ambulance with his brother.  
  
********  
  
Two hours later...  
  
Johnny awoke to the sound of Squee's stifled sobs. He flinched as he felt the stitches in his side.  
  
"Squee," he whispered.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Squee sniffed.  
  
"I thought you were dead...I don't want to have to go away, some people came and said that they wanted to put me in foster care. I want to stay with you, Johnny! Please don't leave me all alone..." said Squee, his eyes were red from sobbing.  
  
Johnny sighed painfully.  
  
"I won't leave you," he said, his eyes had lost the light of insanity. A new light replaced it... Squee could not place what it was. After a moment of trying to find the word, he latched onto it: caring.   
  
"Promise?" asked Squee. Nny smiled.  
  
"I promise."  
  
Todd finally knew what it meant to be cared about, and it was the best feeling in his life. He suddenly saw this favorable light extinguish from his brother's eyes. It was then replaced with a dim light of doubt and recollection.  
  
Three days later...  
  
Nny walked through the downtown area with a spring in his step. He felt much better then he had in years. There were no voices; no more midnight strolls. Johnny was eating better and actually had no fear of sleeping anymore. He continued to take his medications, being monitored by his psychiatrist once a week. He was headed there now. After the doctor appointment, he had to make a stop at child services and finally pick up Squee from school. Johnny entered the doctor's office, giving a slight smile to the secretary at the front desk.  
  
"Hello, Johnny," said the woman, handing him a privacy discloser to sign.  
  
"You seem to be doing well."  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"I am, Rosemary, I haven't felt this good in years," he said.  
  
He sat down and looked at a magazine, waiting for his name to be called. A young woman opened a door and greeted him with a smile.  
  
"Casail, Jonathan," she said.  
  
Johnny rose and shut the door behind him.  
  
"Why must you use my real name, Jezebel?"  
  
Jezebel sighed, her short brown hair curling slightly around her ears.  
  
"It's a rule, I didn't write it," she said. She pushed a pair of thin wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose. The doctor opened a door and allowed Johnny to step inside her office. The room's walls were a light gray, like the clouds after a spring rain. There were pictures of birds on the walls, and a painting of a vase of black roses. Johnny sat down, not taking his eyes off the painting; he had not noticed that before. Jezebel turned so she could look at what Johnny was so captivated by.  
  
"You like the painting?" she asked.  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"I get a lot of complements on that. I did it when I was 15," she said.  
  
Johnny raised his eyebrows.  
  
"You..." the doctor cut him off.  
  
"I did paint that, but we should talk about what happened three days ago. I was notified by the hospital," said Jezebel, pulling out a pen and paper.  
  
"I learned that I am Todd Casail's brother," said Johnny.  
  
Jezebel nodded.  
  
"Todd comes in my office from time to time, he's told me about you. Things that you haven't told me," Jezebel's dark green eyes were locked on her patient. Johnny squirmed uneasily in his seat.  
  
"What kind of things?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel cleared her throat; her voice was serious and cold.  
  
"He's told me what you've done, all the knives you have, the sick sounds he could hear coming from your house at night, would you mind explaining yourself?"  
  
Johnny coughed, fighting the tears welling in his eyes.  
  
"How-long ago was this?" he whispered, he fought to keep the tears from falling.  
  
"It was about three years ago, after you went out of town," said the doctor.  
  
"Now, please, explain yourself!"  
  
Johnny broke down, he told Jezebel about everything he'd done in the past. The killings, the voices, the doughboys, nail-bunny, and what he had exposed his brother to. The confession lasted an hour and a half. Jezebel nodded silently, tears falling down her face as well.  
  
"Am I considered a danger to society still?" Johnny asked finally.  
  
  
  
Jezebel dried her eyes.  
  
"You're doing so well, I don't see how that can be possible," she said. She handed Johnny a tissue and then wiped her own eyes.  
  
"Why are you crying, Jezebel?"  
  
It seemed as though the roles of doctor and patient had switched. Johnny sat in the chair next to her.  
  
"I used to be just like you," she whispered.  
  
"I had three voices in my head, I did what I could to keep them happy... I cut myself...I bashed my head into a mirror, just so they would stop screaming...I was 15; I can feel them wanting to come back... They want control again... I remember, once, I was so afraid, I overdosed on my medication, my stomach still hurts from remembering it... I won't be a slave anymore..." she whispered. She sang a part of a song that Johnny had heard earlier that day:  
  
"And when you wanted blood   
  
I cut my veins  
  
And when you wanted love  
  
I bled myself again  
  
Now that I've had my fill of you  
  
I'll give you up forever  
  
And here I go, faraway  
  
I know you'll find another slave..."  
  
Johnny put an arm around the doctor's shoulder.  
  
"Ssh, it's all right, they're not there anymore, and neither are mine, we're safe now," he said, quietly. He looked her in the eyes. Johnny could tell that she was afraid. The two felt themselves inching closer to each other. Suddenly Jezebel gasped and stood up.  
  
"No! We can't, Johnny. Doctor/patient relationships are strictly against the rules! I could lose my job if anyone saw us!" she said.  
  
Johnny sighed.  
  
"No one has to know, Jezebel," he said quietly.  
  
Jezebel turned her back to him. Her voice was cold and choked with tears.  
  
"Leave, Johnny. I'll have Rosemary make an appointment for next week," she said quietly.  
  
Johnny reached to put a hand on her shoulder, but the doctor recoiled.  
  
"LEAVE ME!" she snapped.  
  
Johnny looking hurt walked out, slamming the door behind him. He strode into a vacant elevator and was about to press the button to go down when he recoiled his hand. He gripped onto the railing and screamed. He was finally learning to feel again... The one feeling he wanted turned out to be something impossible. But, Johnny had seen the look in Jezebel's eyes. She was as lonely has he was. In anger, Johnny slammed his fist down on the metal paneling of the elevator wall. He fell to his knees, sobbing.  
  
Back in her office, Jezebel gripped onto the wall. She was upset as well. She walked towards the couch and grabbed a pillow, which she screamed into. The doctor regained control of herself.   
  
"Dammit Wingweaver!" she snarled to herself.  
  
"You care about your job more then you do the one man you've fallen for since you first saw him in your office three months ago. He wants you, you want him, but noooo, it's all about the money, isn't Jezebel?" she snapped. She could feel the voices beginning to come back.  
  
"End it," said one. Jezebel's lip quivered in fear.  
  
"Kaine, you're back?!"  
  
Another voice sound from Jezebel's mind.  
  
"You never were good with words, Jezebel," it said.  
  
The doctor's breathing quickened.  
  
"Michel..."  
  
A final voice hissed from a dark corner of Jezebel's brain.  
  
"We're not dead..." it sang.  
  
The doctor shook her head, not wanting to believe it.  
  
"Lucius... No! NO! NOT AGAIN!!" she screamed. She picked up the painting of the black roses and threw it out the window.   
  
***  
  
Johnny finally gained control of himself, and had neared the exit of the building. He saw Squee standing near the doorway. The little boy smiled at his brother.  
  
"Squee! Oh my god- how did you find your way here?!" Johnny asked.  
  
Squee took his brother's hand.  
  
"I took the city bus. You had a long session today?" he asked.  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"And then some," he said quietly  
  
The brothers heard a scream from Jezebel's office. Johnny picked up Squee and raced up the stairs.  
  
"What happened?!" he demanded.  
  
The secretary, Rosemary, pointed to the open door of Jezebel's office. Johnny raced inside, Squee following.  
  
Johnny gasped. Squee whimpered.  
  
"Oh no," Nny muttered.  
  
"Jezebel.."  
  
The doctor was lying on the floor unconscious, an empty bottle of pills in her hand. Johnny saw that Jezebel had written something on the wall. A message, messily written in black ink, stood out on the gray paint.  
  
"They're back..." Squee read. He looked at Johnny, confused.  
  
"Who's back, Johnny?" he asked.  
  
Rosemary peered into the room, she had a cell phone in her hand.  
  
"What's she done?" the middle aged secretary asked.  
  
Johnny looked over his shoulder.  
  
"It looks like she overdosed on her anti-psychosis pills, the bottle's empty," said Johnny, picking up the orange plastic bottle.  
  
Rosemary dialed 911 and walked back to her desk.  
  
Squee searched the floor, looking for any pills the doctor may have spilled. Johnny put two fingers to Jezebel's neck, checking for a pulse. Nny could feel a faint pulse. He felt tears fall down his face again.  
  
"They took over, didn't they? They left me and went to you. I'm so sorry...Jezebel, wake up, please...No one has to know about us... Is that what drove you over the edge again? Don't do this. Don't leave, Squee needs you, I need you...Wake up..." Johnny whispered, holding the doctor in his arms.  
  
Jezebel's head fell limply to the side. Johnny held her, he buried his face in her blouse.  
  
"No..." he whispered. Squee tapped his brother on the shoulder, five pills in his hand. Johnny gently set Jezebel down.  
  
"She downed all except five," he whispered. Johnny looked at the little white pills in his brother's hand. He tried to take them from him, but Squee ran up and tossed them out the window.  
  
"YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE ME!" Todd shouted.  
  
Johnny stopped, he remembered his promise. Jezebel stirred.  
  
"Juh-Johnny? They came back... I was afraid...I-I love you..." the doctor whispered. Johnny saw the frightened, glazed look in Jezebel's eyes. Suddenly overcome with resurfaced emotions, Johnny kissed her. Nny pulled away, allowing Jezebel to breathe.  
  
Paramedics entered the room. One of them remembered Johnny.  
  
"Hey, weren't you the stab victim from a couple of days back?" he asked, as he and his partner laid Jezebel on the gurney.   
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
The paramedics took Jezebel away. Johnny turned to Squee.  
  
"Let's go," he said. Squee nodded. The two of them had been living in a hotel recently. Johnny sighed.  
  
"I'll buy you an ice cream, Squee, would you like that?"  
  
Squee shook his head.  
  
"No, thank you. I'm all right, really. I'll go watch some cartoons in the room, you go relax in the hot tub."  
  
Johnny sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry you had to see that. But, you are right, I need to relax," said Johnny.   
  
A/N: DAMN! This ch. is looooong! 


	4. ch 4

Smile  
  
Ch. 4: Jezebel's Secret  
  
A/N: I'm depressed today...8sniff8 I'm all alone, not like any of you guys care, but I just feel like I need to say it...I'm gonna go cry now...I own Squee's lil poem. This chapter has sex in it, just to warn you. This is probably the LONGEST chapter in the story.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Squee, or Johnny, if I did, I'd be sitting in a golden pool, sipping an expensive Bloody Mary...And Johnny would be wearing leather pants and singing to me in Italian...Okay, that's one fantasy no one needed to know...  
  
Johnny took Squee to their hotel room. The little boy turned on the TV to cartoons, and busied himself with a notebook and pencil. Johnny walked to the bathroom, he stepped out a moment later in his swimming trunks, a towel over her shoulder.   
  
"I'll be downstairs in the hot tub, if you need me," said Johnny to Squee.  
  
"I'm leaving the room key with you, but I'm locking the door. I'll tell you when I come back. If you come down to see me, remember not to run by the pool, Squee,"  
  
Squee rolled his eyes.  
  
"I know Johnny," he said, not looking put from his work.  
  
Johnny walked out, double-checking that the door was locked. He walked down to the room where the hot tub and pool was. Nny gratefully set down the towel and stepped into the hot tub. He moaned.  
  
"Oooh yeah, I sooo needed this," he muttered. A moment later he heard the door open, no one was there but him. He saw someone walk towards him. Nny felt his jaw drop.  
  
"Jezebel... You're okay!" he said.  
  
Dr. Jezebel Wingweaver smiled, she pulled the towel away that she had around herself, reveling a black bikini.   
  
"Mind if I join you?" she asked, her eyes had a mischievous sparkle in them.  
  
Johnny moved over a bit, making room for Jezebel's slender form.  
  
"Are you sure you're all right? What happened to you?" he asked as Jezebel slipped into the hot tub. Jezebel flinched and held her left forearm, lightly splashing Johnny.  
  
"Damn, The paramedics had to give me about five IVs. My arm's covered in pinpricks," she said. She carefully set her arm in the water.  
  
"The voices came back, I panicked. I overdosed again. I'm sorry if I scared you and your brother. The doctors were amazed that I made it. I mean, after you kissed me, I DIED. As I felt the life slipping from me, the one thought on my mind was returning the kiss you gave me. I came back, and I'll never overdose again. I swear it," said Jezebel.  
  
Johnny sighed.  
  
"What about the 'no doctor/patient relationships' rule?" asked Johnny, smiling.  
  
Jezebel walked out of the hot tub and stepped up to the rim of the pool.  
  
"Screw it," she said before diving in. Jezebel jumped in, Johnny following.  
  
"You're serious?" he asked, swimming towards her.  
  
"I realized that you're more important than my job. I said I love you and I mean it,"  
  
Johnny smiled.  
  
"Why were you so-uh, pardon my French, bitchy-after I told you all about my past?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel sighed.  
  
"I couldn't believe that there was someone else who was exactly like me...we both suffered from the same number of voices. Perhaps they left you and entered me. I can't tell you how many people I frightened away when I was still in public school. I managed to achieve the loss of feeling, like you have. When we were still doing our session, when we nearly kissed...I was afraid. I was afraid to allow myself to love again. I haven't loved for the past seven years...my heart said yes, but my mind wouldn't allow it. I'm sorry that I made you angry. There are a lot of things I'm sorry for."  
  
Nny lifted her chin up, his brown eyes staring into her dark green ones.  
  
"We can't change the past, Jezebel...If I could I would...But then, I may have never met you, or discovered who I am. We're free from the monsters. C'mon, I'll buy you a drink or something," said Johnny, getting out of the pool.  
  
Jezebel rubbed her arms.  
  
" I don't drink anymore. Do you mind if I take a shower in your room? I need to get this chlorine out of my hair or it gets all hard and gross," she asked, wrapping her towel around her body.  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"Yeah, follow me," he said, opening the door to exit the poolroom.  
  
Back in the hotel room...  
  
Johnny knocked on the door; he found it unlocked. Squee was asleep on one of the two beds. Jezebel smiled apologetically.  
  
"Squee let me in, I guess I forgot to lock it on my way out," she whispered. She shut the bathroom door.  
  
Johnny sat on the second bed; he looked over at his sleeping brother, the notebook open, lying by Squee's arm. Nny picked up the notebook and read what his brother had written.  
  
Skeleton Rain  
  
The clouds are black  
  
The earth a deep crimson from sorrow  
  
The air smells of acid rain  
  
No one's here but me  
  
I look into the blackened heavens   
  
And wonder how I can start anew  
  
A new rain begins to fall  
  
Stinging my face  
  
Puddles form around my feet  
  
As I stand here in this skeleton rain  
  
Now I see the world through the eyes of a fallen angel  
  
Carried on the wings of tragedy  
  
All I can do is scream  
  
Scream for a better way to change  
  
Instead of standing here in this skeleton rain  
  
Johnny was stunned. He realized that Squee was troubled by something. He knew that he would have to show this to Jezebel. Nny put on a shirt and pulled off his wet swim trunks. At that moment Jezebel stepped out of the bathroom. She gave a squeak and shut her eyes.  
  
"God, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were changing," she said, a hand over her eyes. She smiled to herself.  
  
'Damn, he's got a cute butt,' she thought.  
  
"Right," said Johnny, pulling on his pants.  
  
"I'm decent now,"  
  
Jezebel smiled. She could see that Johnny was blushing.  
  
"I've got a loft apartment a few blocks away from here, you two can stay, Squee'll have his own room, so will you," she said.  
  
"We can rent a few movies, get some Chinese..."  
  
Johnny nodded. He showed Jezebel Squee's poem.  
  
"I read this, and something doesn't sound right, it doesn't sound like my brother," he said.  
  
Jezebel read the poem, and then looked at Squee. She gently touched his hair. Squee turned over onto his back.  
  
"Make him stop hitting me, mamma," the boy whispered. Squee was dreaming of his father, beating him again. His stepmother did nothing to protect him. Jezebel sighed sadly.  
  
"He's so young. He shouldn't have to suffer like this. Is he being sent to foster care?" the doctor asked.  
  
Johnny shook his head.  
  
"I'm going to head over to child services tomorrow. I'm hoping to get custody of him."  
  
"Custody?" repeated Jezebel.  
  
" Oh, Johnny, you can't be serious..."  
  
Johnny looked taken aback.  
  
"You said I wasn't dangerous," he whispered.  
  
Jezebel looked at the floor.  
  
"I thought I was fine, and look what happened. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you, I think you need to wait until we're totally out of the woods. I'm not speaking to you as a lover, but a doctor. Wait, just another month, that's all I'm asking,"  
  
Johnny shook his head.  
  
"I promised him that I wouldn't leave!" he snarled, pointing to Squee.  
  
"And I swear on my life that I'll keep that promise!"  
  
Jezebel sighed. Her eyes shined with non-falling tears.  
  
"Then you're a fool, Johnny Edward Casail," she whispered.  
  
"You made a promise that you can't keep,"  
  
Nny gritted his teeth in anger.  
  
"I was foolish only in thinking I loved you, I was wrong. I don't love you. Get out!" he snapped.  
  
Jezebel bit her lip; she slapped Johnny across the face.  
  
"And I was foolish in thinking I could feel again. The voices were right, I should've ended it a long time ago!" With that said, Jezebel walked out the door.  
  
Johnny sat on the vacant bed, his head in his hands. Squee walked up to his brother.  
  
"You let her get away," he said.  
  
Johnny sneered.  
  
"I don't need her, I don't need to love. I was such a fool," he whispered.  
  
Squee sighed.  
  
"Johnny, I understand that you can't keep your promise, I'm not important..."  
  
Johnny grabbed his brother by the shoulders.  
  
"Don't you EVER say that again!" he said, looking into Squee's brown eyes.  
  
"I'm your brother, it's my job to take care of you,"  
  
Squee's eyes widened at his brother's reaction to his words.  
  
"I just want you to be happy, and if that means I have to go away, then fine. Dr. Wingweaver made you happy, but you cast her aside. She loves you Johnny, and you're too concerned about my well-being. You broke her heart!" said Squee.  
  
Johnny rose to his feet.  
  
"Dammit, Todd! I don't want you to turn out like our father, or like me..." he sighed, holding onto the doorframe. Tears fell down his face as he fell to his knees.  
  
"You're right, I did hurt Jezebel. I'm nothing but a monster. I have to find her..."  
  
Squee put a hand on Johnny's shoulder.  
  
"I'm coming with you," he said, putting on a pair of Nikes.  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"Did she tell you anything when she came in here to change?" he asked.  
  
Squee fumbled with his shoelaces in thought.  
  
"She asked me if you and I wanted to stay at her loft apartment, she said she has extra room," said Squee.  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I accepted, did she give you an address?"  
  
Squee ran his fingers through his short black hair. He watched as his brother adjusted his ponytail. Squee pushed his hair down. Johnny winced as he had snapped himself with the rubber band.  
  
"She said it was the Moreau loft apartments. Number...676,"  
  
Johnny smiled; he gave up in trying to put his hair in a ponytail, and decided to leave it down.  
  
"Great. Interesting address, a combination of heaven and hell. I wonder which one overthrows the other," he said.   
  
The brothers left the hotel, bags slug over their shoulders. Johnny placed the room key on the front desk. Oddly enough, the room number was 777.  
  
At Moreau Loft Apartment 676...  
  
Jezebel sighed as she looked over poetry and sketches she had made months ago. One of the voices, Michel, spoke.  
  
"Past hurts, doesn't it, Jezey?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel groaned; she took a swig of brandy.  
  
"Bite me, Michel," she snarled.  
  
Her professional, 'doctor-look' was replaced by a black shirt with a picture of a black widow spider on it; she had on black pants, with holes in the legs that looked like bullet holes. The thin wire-rimmed glasses were replaced with plastic, dark tortoise shell colored frames. Her hair was spiked down.   
  
"Nothing hurts more then what Johnny said to me," she said. She took another swig of the amber brew.  
  
Michel laughed.  
  
"So, you're bringing down the shield for this guy, huh?" he said, his voice growing more joyful with every word.  
  
"No! I-I don't know...I don't know what to do anymore. We both got so carried away in anger. He said some things, I said some things and stormed off. Maybe you're right, Kaine, maybe I don't deserve him,"  
  
Another voice, a deep British one, spoke from within Jezebel's head.  
  
"That's right, Jezey, darling, forget him. Just go back to how you were before, back when I guided your every move." This was Kaine, the homicidal loon who managed to control Jezebel's actions with sharp objects when she was severely depressed.  
  
Jezebel bit her tongue, she knew better than to take another sip of brandy, but she hoped that the alcohol would make Michel and Kaine as drunk as possible. But then, she'd be pretty drunk too. The doctor shrugged it off and chugged.  
  
"What are you so happy about, Michel?" came the third and final voice, this one belonged to Lucius, he was the one who didn't show up as frequently as Kaine or Michel. Lucius enjoyed scaring Jezebel, in telling her that her problems wouldn't leave her.  
  
Jezebel coughed, she'd chugged too fast. Michel chuckled. Jezebel was happy that she couldn't understand what the voices were saying; they had become slurred. The alcohol was taking its desired effect. The doctor heard a knock on the door. She stumbled. Tripping over her own feet, she opened the door. She smiled.   
  
Johnny Casail stared in wonder at the woman before him.   
  
"Jezebel?" he asked, surveying her outfit.  
  
"Is that you?"  
  
The psychiatrist nodded.  
  
"Yep, that's me, I'm fine and dandy," she slurred, suddenly falling foreword into Johnny's arms. She laughed.  
  
"Jezebel," asked Johnny slowly. He led her inside and made sure she sat down.  
  
"Have you been drinking?"   
  
Jezebel reached for the bottle of brandy. It was already half gone.  
  
"I bought it today to celebrate!" she said, taking yet another swig.  
  
Johnny raised an eyebrow. He made sure Squee was taking refuge in the kitchen.  
  
"Celebrate what?" Nny asked.  
  
"And I thought you said you didn't drink,"  
  
Jezebel put the bottle down. Johnny hid it behind a pillow. The doctor laughed.  
  
"To celebrate us, silly!" she said. She attempted to kiss him, but Johnny gently pushed her back.  
  
"Whoa! Okay, that's enough alcohol for you tonight!" he said, grimacing at the smell of brandy on Jezebel's breath.  
  
"And, you, Miss Wingweaver, are going to bed. Away from the boy so he doesn't get any ideas,"  
  
Jezebel 'phft' at him.  
  
"I'm fine! I only had a little tiny drink!" she said. She stood, stumbled foreword, and tripped over the coffee table.  
  
Johnny led Jezebel to the master bedroom. He laid Jezebel on the bed and walked out, closing and locking the door. He called out to Squee.  
  
"All right, Squee, she's in solitary confinement," he said.  
  
"You can come out now,"  
  
Squee was sitting on the couch, sniffing the brandy bottle.  
  
"EW!" he said.  
  
Nny took the brandy bottle from his younger sibling. He walked into the kitchen and took a swig before pouring the remainder down the sink. Johnny grimaced at the sharp taste.  
  
"Squee, never, ever, touch this stuff. It'll fuck your mind up worse than what Schmee's already done to it,"  
  
Squee's looked terrified. Johnny looked concerned.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
Squee trembled slightly.  
  
"You're not gonna turn into our father, are you? You're not gonna hit me, are you?"  
  
  
  
Johnny sat next to his brother.  
  
"Squee, Dad drank way too much. I only had a little bit. I locked Jezebel in her room so she wouldn't try to kiss me again. She'll be really sick in the morning, and probably in a bad mood. So, how about we surprise her in the morning, by getting donuts?"  
  
Squee grinned.  
  
"Donuts!" he cried.  
  
Johnny patted Squee on the head. The two could hear Jezebel in the bathroom. The hangover was beginning.  
  
"Get some sleep, Squee. I'll wake you when I'm about to go to get donuts," said Nny.  
  
Todd walked into another bedroom.  
  
"G'night, Johnny," he said.  
  
" 'Night, Squee," he said.   
  
Squee shut his bedroom door. Johnny turned on the TV, he took a look at some of the DVDs Jezebel had: Signs, The Count of Monte Christo, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; The Ring, and the Japanese version Ringu. Johnny popped in Ringu. He soon fell asleep on the couch.   
  
***  
  
Midnight...  
  
  
  
Johnny awoke to the feeling of a light kiss on his forehead. He opened his eyes. Jezebel was standing next to him.   
  
"I hope you're sober," he said.  
  
Jezebel nodded. Nny saw that she was very pale.  
  
"I've been puking my guts up for the past four hours, I think I'm safe," she said.  
  
Johnny sat up, rubbing the kink in his neck.  
  
"I was watching a movie and I guess I fell asleep," he said.  
  
Jezebel smiled.  
  
"Go to bed. Oh wait, shit! I've got all of my art supplies in the other bedroom! Damn! That couch is the most uncomfortable piece of crap I've ever slept on, so...this is gonna sound kinda awkward, but you can sleep in my room. I just came to get a drink of water. Uh, I'll sleep in here, if you want," said Jezebel, blushing.  
  
Johnny shook his head.  
  
"No, it's your bed, you should be able to sleep there too," he said.  
  
Jezebel looked rather nervous.  
  
"Johnny, if we share a bed, and we both get caught up in our emotions and...you know..." she licked her lips as she struggled to find the words.  
  
"What I'm trying to say is, perhaps you should find another psychiatrist. Before we do something we may regret."  
  
Johnny looked hurt.  
  
"What do you mean?" he asked.  
  
"It's nothing to do with you! It's just that-should something happen when we get in that bed...Johnny, I don't know how to phrase what I'm saying, I just have a nagging feeling...I'll give you the number of another psychiatrist that I know, he'll be able to help you more than I ever could..."   
  
Johnny shook his head.  
  
"I don't want to go to a different psychiatrist...I want you. I look at you and I can remember things I never even knew occurred. I look at you, and I feel so happy. I-I look at you, and I'm home. I don't want to lose that feeling. I love you, Jezebel. It doesn't matter if I'm your patient; we're not in your office now. When we have our sessions, I'll just control myself. Please,"  
  
Jezebel sat down next to him and shut her eyes.  
  
"Johnny, I love you, you know I do. But, I just feel so lost right now. So many thoughts going through my head at a rapid pace. Memories I'd rather not remember...all the anger and the blame I've cast upon myself over the years... All the things I've done...why am I feeling like this?" she whispered, her head in her hands. Johnny stood behind her and began to massage her shoulders.  
  
"I don't know," he said.  
  
"Relax, then we'll go to bed."  
  
Nny was amazed at how tense Jezebel was. He felt sorry for the doctor. She'd done so much for him and Squee, and here was how she truly was: a woman with a shattered soul. He wanted to help her. Make her feel better; help her cast aside the indescribable feelings. Jezebel sighed; Johnny could feel her muscles begin to relax under his hands. She rose and kissed Johnny lightly on the lips.  
  
"Thank you," she said. Johnny saw that there was no light in her eyes. The captivating sparkle was gone. Her eyes looked hollow and sad. Nny took her hand in his.  
  
"All this time, ever since I met you, and probably longer, you've been pretending to be happy, haven't you?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel slowly nodded.  
  
"Yes," she whispered.  
  
Johnny held her close to him. He could feel her heart pound.  
  
"It's killing you, isn't it?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel nodded again.  
  
"Nny, if you didn't come here when you did tonight, I'd have drunk myself to death," she said. Johnny looked into her hollow eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?" he whispered. Jezebel led him to the kitchen. She threw open a set of cupboard doors. The shelves were filled with alcohol. Johnny gasped.  
  
"This is how you relive your suffering?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel gripped onto the counter, she fell to her knees.  
  
"Every night I get myself as drunk as I can. The voices have been coming back lately. Every time they scream at me, I reach for a drink. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!" she screamed.  
  
"Jezebel," Johnny said, kneeling down next her.   
  
"You need to get rid of all of this, you and I will take care of it this afternoon. But for now, you need to try to regain control of yourself. Just take a few deep breaths and tell me how you feel,"  
  
Jezebel did as was asked of her, she rose, and Johnny followed suit. The doctor threw her arms around Johnny's neck, sobbing into his shoulder.  
  
"I know I have a problem. I can't thank you enough for being here right now, Johnny. I feel so dead inside. And if anyone can bring me back to life it's you," she said.  
  
Johnny kissed her, running his fingers through her short brown hair. He led her to the bedroom, gently laying Jezebel down on the bed.  
  
"Are you sure about this?" Jezebel asked, as Johnny pulled off his shirt. Nny nodded.  
  
"I can't even begin to think of how to say 'I love you' better then this," he said, kissing her. Jezebel smiled. A light slowly began to dance in her eyes. She took off her glasses, as Johnny pulled off her shirt. Jezebel lightly touched Johnny's shoulder length hair. He kissed her again, pulling her into a deep embrace. Jezebel pulled away, the light in her eyes turning into a fire. She smiled again.  
  
"Bring me to life, Johnny," 


	5. ch 5

Smile  
  
Ch. 5: Johnny Snaps; Pepito's House   
  
A/N: I've been writing this story like crazy, as well as e-mailing my good friend...JHONEN VASQUEZ! That's right, I got his e-mail! He's my friend...gave me a picture of Johnny, shirtless, and in leather pants too. I LOVE YOU!!! MARRY ME JHONEN!!! I'm beside myself in squishy happiness...it's making me nauseous.   
  
7 AM...  
  
BZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!!!!  
  
Johnny and Jezebel jumped at the sound of the alarm clock on the psychiatrist's bedside table. Jezebel threw the alarm clock against the wall and buried her head in her pillow. Johnny sat up, pulling on his boxers. He yawned and stretched. His entire body was sore.   
  
"Good morning, Jezey," he said.  
  
Jezebel's voice was muffled.  
  
"It's Saturday. I have five more hours of sleep left," she said.  
  
Johnny smiled. He got up and walked into the living room. Squee was awake, eating a banana. Nny rubbed his eyes.  
  
"Squee, have you been up long?" he asked.  
  
Squee shrugged.  
  
"It took me a while to get to sleep last night," he said.  
  
"I could hear you and Dr. Wingweaver going at each other,"  
  
Johnny choked on a mouthful of water.  
  
"You-you heard us?" he asked.  
  
Squee nodded.  
  
"It's hard NOT to hear you two screaming at each other, no matter if it's ecstasy or anger," said the boy, getting up and throwing the banana peel away.  
  
"And don't bother apologizing, I'm used to it. I'm so used to all those sounds I used to hear from your old house, that this didn't strike me as anything different...minus the fact that you had Jezebel screaming in pleasure instead of pain,"  
  
Johnny chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, I guess it's not that different, is it?" he asked. Jezebel emerged from the bedroom, in a black silk bathrobe. Johnny gave her a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"You said that you wouldn't be up for another five hours," he said.  
  
Jezebel rolled her eyes; her hair was spiked up from both bed-head and from Johnny running his fingers through it during the night.  
  
"Hey, it's morning! I'm not a morning person, Johnny," she snapped, turning on the coffee pot.  
  
Johnny lowered his voice; Squee could still hear what he was saying.  
  
  
  
"Squee heard us last night, Jezey," Johnny said quietly.  
  
Jezebel sighed.  
  
"Oh boy, we probably traumatized him even more then he already is," she said.  
  
Nny shook his head.  
  
"No, he says that he's fine, I believe him, but, you can tell when someone's lying can't you?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel hit him playfully on the shoulder.  
  
"Who do I look like, Hannibal Lecter?" she said.  
  
Johnny chuckled.  
  
"No, but you WERE chewing on my tongue pretty hard last-" he stopped as Jezebel covered his mouth with her hand.  
  
"VIRGIN EARS, JOHNNY!" said Jezebel, jerking her head at Squee.  
  
Johnny jerked his head out the kitchen door.  
  
"You didn't hear anything, Squee, okay?" he said.  
  
Squee grinned.  
  
"Buy me a soda and I'll shut up," he said.  
  
Johnny grimaced, as though Squee's words had hurt him.  
  
"Wuh? Jezebel, did you hear that? He's blackmailing me!" he said.   
  
Jezebel stepped out of the kitchen; she set a bowl of cereal in front of Squee. She whispered in the boy's ear.  
  
"Leave the blackmailing to me, Todd," she whispered. Squee smirked.  
  
"Hey, hey, hey! What are you telling him, Jezebel?" Johnny asked, grabbing Jezebel around the waist.  
  
Jezebel winked at Squee.  
  
"You heard me, Squee, don't blackmail your brother,"  
  
Squee gave a mock sigh. He tried not to smile.  
  
"Yes, Mommy," said Squee sarcastically. His smile fell at the last word. Both Johnny and Jezebel looked at Squee in shock. The boy's eyes brimmed with tears.  
  
"I'm sorry!" he said.  
  
"Please don't be mad at me!"  
  
The two adults sat on either side of Squee. Jezebel looked into Squee's frightened brown eyes.  
  
"I'm not mad, Squee. I'm just-surprised, that's all. But, you have been seeing me for the past three years. Am I really a maternal influence?" Jezebel asked.  
  
"I never knew my real mother," said Squee, tears falling down his cheeks.  
  
"And the only mother I've known ignored me. You're both a mother figure, and the big sister I never had."  
  
Jezebel nodded.  
  
"I understand. If it will make you feel any better, I never knew my real dad growing up. Well, I'd go down to visit, but we knew so little about each other, that we didn't talk much. I had TWO stepfathers, Squee. The first is still being hunted down by child services for slamming me into a door when I was six. And the second is the nicest guy I ever met," she said.  
  
Johnny looked up from his coffee cup.  
  
"Hey!" he said.   
  
"And Johnny," Jezebel continued.  
  
"Is...something-sensual-I-can't-say-in-front-of-his-little-brother," she said.  
  
Johnny nodded, taking another sip of coffee.  
  
"Thank you." He put down his coffee cup and talked to Squee.  
  
"What do you think of Jezebel and I? Besides from what you heard from us saying to each other last night, don't repeat any of that," said Johnny.  
  
Squee dried his eyes on his on his pajama shirt.  
  
"If you both make each other happy, then I'm happy. I mean, you both sounded happy last night..."  
  
"Todd Casail!" said Jezebel loudly. Squee flinched slightly.  
  
"Sorry," said Squee.  
  
"You both seem so happy when ever you look at each other. Maybe we can be a family,"   
  
Johnny and Squee jumped at the sound of breaking ceramic. Jezebel had dropped her coffee cup. It had shattered all over the kitchen floor.  
  
"Squee, why don't you go play in your bedroom, I need to talk to Jezebel," said Johnny.  
  
Squee walked into his bedroom. Johnny bent down, helping Jezebel as she scrambled to pick up the pieces of the broken coffee cup.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel smiled nervously.  
  
"I'm fine, Johnny, I'm just a little shaky in the morning," she said, her eyes downcast.  
  
Johnny could tell that she was afraid to meet his gaze.  
  
"You're lying, I can tell. What's wrong?"  
  
The doctor rose, throwing the broken cup pieces in the trash.  
  
"I'm fine, Johnny, I-I'm just not feeling well this morning, that's all," said Jezebel.  
  
Johnny looked at her, wondering whether to believe her or not.  
  
"It's about last night, isn't it? Was I too rough? Was I going too fast, what?"  
  
Jezebel shook her head.  
  
"No, Lord, you were great last night...It's just Squee..."  
  
Johnny put his arms around Jezebel's waist.  
  
"He said that he's fine, even though he heard us last night..."  
  
Jezebel sighed.  
  
"It's not about that! Johnny, Squee has been coming into my office for the past three years. I told you that, but..."  
  
Johnny looked her in the eyes.  
  
"What? Is he all right?"  
  
Jezebel put her head on Johnny's shoulder. He could feel hot tears splashing onto his bare skin.  
  
"Squee suffers from psychosis, like we do. I've been considering whether or not to place him in a mental hospital, just for a short time, for observation. It would be the best thing for him, until I can find a medication that will work without harming him. I've been afraid to mention it to you," she said.  
  
Johnny was stunned; he let go of Jezebel. The expression on his face was one Jezebel knew well: betrayal.  
  
"Don't you dare lock him up!" he roared.  
  
"I won't allow you! If you do, then I will pack my things and leave! I will leave and never come back!"  
  
Jezebel grabbed his arm.  
  
"This is why I was afraid to tell you! I knew you'd be angry," she said.  
  
Johnny pulled away from her. He spoke softly and coldly.  
  
"I won't let you lock him up! I'll see to it that you won't betray me further and lock ME up when my back is turned!" he shouted. He whipped out a butcher knife out of the knife holder. Nny pointed it at Jezebel, who backed away.  
  
"You slut," Johnny breathed.  
  
"I've murdered women just like you, I began to have feelings for them, but cut them down before I could be hurt,"  
  
Jezebel shook her head; this wasn't Johnny. She screamed as Johnny stabbed her in the shoulder. She held onto her bleeding shoulder. The blood flowed in a stream down her arm. Johnny advanced towards her. Jezebel knew that Johnny's voices had come back to haunt him. She put her arms around his neck.  
  
"Come back, Johnny," she whispered. Johnny looked confused. Jezebel pressed her lips against his. The knife fell from Johnny's hand and hit the floor. The doctor backed up against the wall, Johnny looked up, brushing the hair from his eyes. He put a hand to his mouth to stifle his cry.  
  
"Jezebel...I'm sorry, one of the voices took me over...Oh Christ, I hurt you. You're bleeding..."  
  
Jezebel held her shoulder; her bathrobe was cut. Her bare shoulder was stained red. Johnny fell to his knees. He was talking to himself.  
  
"Damn you! You made me hurt her! I can't hurt the woman I love! I won't listen to you! FUCK OFF!"  
  
Jezebel knelt down beside him. She gave him a hug. Johnny gently laid his head down on her cut shoulder. He realized that he had sliced through muscle; he could see a white glint through all the blood. The doctor flinched as Johnny's tears dripped into the cut. She didn't complain, even though she was getting weak.  
  
"It's all right, you lost control. Don't blame yourself for hurting me, it wasn't you," she said. Johnny looked up at her.   
  
"Yes it was. He was aiming for your throat. I had him bring down on your shoulder instead. I may have not been in my right mind, but I completed the act anyway. It was my hand that did it. He guided my hand..."  
  
Jezebel nodded.  
  
" You didn't complete it Johnny. I'm still alive, aren't I? Was it..." she paused; she couldn't remember the name.  
  
"It was Psycho-Doughboy, his voice was in my head," said Johnny quietly.  
  
Squee peeked his head out from his bedroom.  
  
"Are you guys okay?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel looked frantic. She got an idea.  
  
"Squee, do you know a little boy named Pepito?" she asked.  
  
Squee nodded. He was afraid to look at Jezebel's shoulder.  
  
"He's a friend of mine from school," said Squee.  
  
Jezebel nodded, flinching as she tried to move her arm.  
  
"He-agh...lives in the apartment across the hall. Why don't you see if you can play?" she mumbled. Her face was pale; the wound opened and closed sickeningly each time she breathed.  
  
Squee nodded and walked out the front door. Johnny picked up Jezebel and laid her on the bed.   
  
"There's a...first aid kit in the...medicine cabinet in the bathroom," the psychiatrist muttered. Johnny nodded. He'd kill himself if something like this happened again. Johnny pulled out the first aid kit; he rummaged around, searching for something.  
  
"Where do you keep the bactine, Jez?" he asked.  
  
Jezebel moaned in pain.  
  
"Oh shit, I'm out of it! Go grab a bottle of whisky from the liquor cabinet, that'll work just as good,"  
  
Johnny ran out of the bedroom, he returned with a whisky bottle. He spread the wound apart with his index and middle finger, blood pooled into the now open wound, but it could not flow over the edge. Jezebel closed her eyes, bracing herself. Johnny gently poured the whiskey into the wound. Jezebel howled. She dug her nails into the mattress.   
  
"OH SWEET JESUS!!" she cried. Tears of pain fell down her face. Johnny shushed her.  
  
"It's okay, the worst is over now," he said. He found a spool of wire thread in the first aid kit. Jezebel tried to sit up, but Nny forced her down again.  
  
"Lay back down, I'm not done yet," he said. Jezebel smiled as she gasped for breath.  
  
"Very forceful, Johnny," she said. Nny realized that the loss of blood was making Jezebel act funny.  
  
"I don't know if I told you last night, but...you have wonderful eyes," she muttered, grinning to herself.   
  
Johnny tried not to look worried, he put on a forced smile as he began to stitch up the stab wound. Jezebel flinched as she felt the needle penetrate muscle and skin.  
  
"Can you forgive me for stabbing you?" Nny asked, cutting the thread when he had finished. Jezebel let out a weak chuckle.  
  
"I already have,"  
  
***   
  
At Pepito's House...  
  
"Hey Dad!" said Pepito, leading Squee inside.  
  
"Squee's here!"  
  
Senor Diablo smiled.  
  
"Ah, so we meet again, Todd Casail," he said, not looking away from a small orb that was hovering about a foot from the ground. It radiated a blue light.  
  
"What's that?" Todd asked Pepito, pointing to the hovering orb.  
  
Pepito looked surprised.  
  
"Didn't I show you that last time you were here?" he asked.  
  
Squee shook his head.  
  
"That's the Occularis Inferno, better known as the Eye of Hell," said the Antichrist.  
  
Squee's eyes widened. He could see Jezebel and Johnny in the little orb. Their skin was not white, but blue. Johnny was bandaging the stab wound on Jezebel's shoulder.  
  
Pepito led Squee away. Squee noticed that Senor Diablo was playing with a small piece of black thread. He also saw that there was a flint dagger in his left hand. The boy stared in horror as the orb zoomed in on Jezebel's face.  
  
"No more borrowed time, little Wingweaver," Diablo said quietly. He put the dagger up to the piece of string. Squee screamed.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"   
  
He swiped the dagger out of Diablo's hand and threw it to the floor. He realized that the string was Jezebel's life.  
  
"I won't let you kill her!" the boy said.  
  
"She and Johnny are happy together! I won't let you end it! KILL ME IF YOU WANT!"  
  
Both Senor Diablo and Pepito looked at Squee, stunned.  
  
"You're willing to sacrifice your barely-lived life for the life of your brother's lover?" Diablo whispered.  
  
Squee nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I am. I swear to God that you will not hurt her! She's like...like..."  
  
"A mother to you," finished the devil in a deadly whisper.  
  
"Am I right?"  
  
Squee nodded.   
  
"Yes, a LOVING mother! I've had a shitty family most of my life, but not anymore! I'M FINALLY HAPPY! AND YOU, SIR, CANNOT CHANGE THAT!!"  
  
Satan rose, he looked frightening and dangerous, he picked up Squee by the neck.  
  
"Well, then!" spat the Prince of Darkness.  
  
"How about I show you what'll happen in, oh...two years' time?! THEN we'll see if you still want to spare the good doctor!"  
  
The devil passed his hand over the Eye. The present image of Jezebel's pale face rippled like water before disappearing. Squee looked into the Eye. He saw himself, two years older, looking nervous, yet well nourished. A bloody knife was in his hand, the present version of himself stared in horror while the older Squee stood over the bodies of his brother and Jezebel, who had apparently survived Johnny's knife attack. A baby was crying, sitting next to Johnny, in a pool of the man's blood.  
  
The horrifying image faded. Back in the present, Squee shrieked.  
  
"NO!! You're lying!! I'd never hurt them! NEVER!!!!!!"  
  
Satan laughed.  
  
"Don't you understand?! You're as sick as both of them! Would you like to see what becomes of your nephew?" he said, cackling coldly.   
  
Squee shook his head.  
  
"YOU'VE DONE THIS TO US! YOU HAD DEMONS POSSESS US! YOU'RE USING US FOR YOUR OWN SICK AMUSMENT!!" Squee shouted. He panted for breath. The boy looked into the devil's eyes. He didn't fear him anymore. In fact, he didn't fear anything. Satan shook his head.  
  
"No, Todd, I didn't send demons into the minds of your brother, Jezebel, or yourself. No, there is a fine line between demonic possession and mental illness. Let me warn you, the Eye never lies. Now, back to the subject of sacrificing yourself for the life of the good doctor... Are you willing to do it?"  
  
Squee drew a shaking breath.  
  
"If I do, you must swear that Johnny and Jezebel will not be touched," he said.  
  
"And, you must leave all of my future nieces and nephews alone,"  
  
Satan nodded.  
  
"Very well, but her life is fading fast, the string is partially cut," he said.  
  
"Will you die for Jezebel Wingweaver?!"  
  
A/n: This starting to turn out like a mix of Harry Potter and a Stephen King novel.... 


	6. ch 6

Smile  
  
Ch. 6: The Bonds of Family  
  
A/n; Prepare yourselves for incredible sadness! As I'm getting all this typed, I'm actually making myself cry at the thought of what is going to happen. Oh god, I'm actually feeling again!!! Annie Lennox owns the song 'Oh God' which comes at the end. (Wipes tears off keyboard)  
  
Squee swallowed. Satan sighed.  
  
"WILL YOU DIE FOR HER?!" he shouted.  
  
Squee heard footsteps coming from across the hall, he heard Johnny's voice from behind the door.  
  
"Squee? Are you there?"  
  
Senor Diablo turned to his son.  
  
"Lock the door, Pepito," he snapped.  
  
Pepito reluctantly obeyed. Johnny's voice grew louder.  
  
"Squee! Stop playing games! You need to come back now! Jezebel's..."  
  
Johnny's words were drowned by the devil's laughter.  
  
"Time is ticking, young Casail. Wingweaver's life is slowly ebbing away. I'll ask you again, will you die for Jezebel Wingweaver?"  
  
Squee turned to Pepito.  
  
"Unlock the door,' he mouthed. The Antichrist nodded. He unlocked the door. Satan was beginning to lose his temper.  
  
"ANSWER ME, BOY!!!" he shouted. Squee coughed as he tightened his grip on his throat.  
  
"Yes," Squee whispered.  
  
Johnny kicked down the unlocked door. He was clothed. Jezebel stood next to him, no longer in the bathrobe, but in jeans and a t-shirt. Her right arm was in a sling. She was as pale as death.   
  
Satan grinned maliciously.   
  
"Ah, I see the boy's family is here to watch him die!" he crowed.  
  
Johnny stepped foreword.  
  
"No! Jezebel...you didn't tell me that Pepito's father was SATAN!" he said, turning back to Jezebel. The doctor was on her knees.   
  
"I didn't know...Johnny..." she mumbled, she couldn't breathe.   
  
The devil picked up the flint dagger and rammed it into Squee's stomach. The boy shuttered, his mouth open in a muted scream. At that moment, Jezebel fell foreword, she wasn't moving.  
  
Johnny was breathing through clenched teeth. Satan put Squee down. The boy had a hand over the wound in his stomach.  
  
"YOU BASTARD!!!!!" Johnny screamed at Satan. Tears welled in his eyes as he held a gasping Squee in his arms.  
  
"The boy is giving his life to save the woman you love, Johnny, he doesn't want to see you hurt by her death. He is also undoing a horrid prophecy. One that would have affected you, Jezebel, and your unborn child," Pepito said quietly.  
  
Johnny's mouth fell open.  
  
" Jezebel's...pregnant?!" he whispered. Squee whimpered in his brother's arms.  
  
"Take...me over to...ack...Juh-Juh-Jezebel...please," the boy whispered.  
  
Johnny rose and sat down next to Jezebel. He shook her with his free hand. She didn't move.  
  
"No...no...Jezebel, please, don't leave me too...If you're gone too, then I have no reason to keep going...don't leave me..."  
  
Squee smiled weakly.  
  
"She'll come back, Johnny...Once I'm gone...it's better me, than the woman you love," he said.  
  
Johnny was sobbing.  
  
"Don't talk like that...I promised that nothing like this would happen to you...I killed Jezebel...and now you won't let me help you. I've failed in trying to protect you. I've failed...I can't live with myself..." he whispered.  
  
Squee shook his head.  
  
"No, you... didn't fail, Johnny. You'll be happy...again, you'll have Jezebel again," he muttered.  
  
Johnny sniffed.  
  
"But there will be an empty place in my heart! Who will replace you?!" he said.  
  
Squee gasped. He choked. Johnny could feel the life slipping from his little brother's body. Squee looked at the Occularis.  
  
"Your son...will replace me..." he whispered.   
  
"Goodbye...Dad, I have to go..."  
  
Johnny shook his head. He his tears fell more as Squee called him 'Dad'.  
  
"No...Squee...hold on, please...please..."  
  
"I'll save you a spot in heaven, and a place for Jezebel in the angels' choir..." Squee whispered.  
  
Johnny's tears fell onto Squee's pale skin.  
  
"Goodbye, Squee...I love you," he whispered.  
  
Squee turned to Jezebel.  
  
"Goodbye...Mamma,"  
  
Squee uttered his last breath. He had addressed both Johnny and Jezebel as the parents he never had. Johnny gently set Squee's body down. He buried his face in his hands. He felt a slight stirring next to him. Jezebel rose. She was alive. She looked at Squee and burst into tears. She had heard what Squee had called her.  
  
"You shouldn't have given your life to save me," she whispered, gently touching the boy's hair.  
  
"You had a long life ahead of you...why end it to bring me back?"  
  
Johnny set his hands down. He and Jezebel held onto each other.  
  
"He ended his life to save you," said Pepito, sadly.  
  
"Because he saw how happy you two were together. He didn't want you to die, Jezebel. So my father asked him if he wanted to sacrifice himself for your life, Jezebel. As well as the life of your unborn son,"  
  
Jezebel looked stunned.  
  
"I'm...I'm..." she stuttered.  
  
Pepito nodded.  
  
"I must go, my father is beside himself in killing such an innocent boy. I guess even the devil feels,' he said, leaving the two adults to their grieving.  
  
* Oh God...  
  
Where are you now?  
  
And what are you gonna do  
  
About the mess I've made?  
  
If there ever was a soul to save  
  
It must be me  
  
It must be me  
  
Dear God..  
  
Oh how can I survive?  
  
Will I make this drop, this dive?  
  
When it all comes to this  
  
I'm looking down at the abyss  
  
Where you don't exist  
  
You don't exist  
  
But if you can hear me  
  
If you can see me...  
  
I know that I can't be that strong  
  
'Cause everything I ever did went wrong  
  
Everything I ever did went wrong  
  
Oh God  
  
Now where do I come in?  
  
Gone and broken everythin'  
  
So I hope you'll understand  
  
If someone needed a helping hand  
  
It must be now  
  
It must be now * 


	7. ch 7

01Smile  
  
Ch. 7: Borrowed Time; The Devil's Hand Killer  
  
A/n: I'm writing a sequel!!! Jimmy makes a deadly cameo. (We ALL remember Jimmy...) Sadly, this is the last chapter. This takes place four years after Squee's death.   
  
'Come home, Jezey,' Johnny thought. His wife, Jezebel, was late coming home from a writer's club meeting. She was never late. Johnny turned. His four-year-old son, Todd, was watching him.  
  
"Go to bed, Todd," said Johnny.  
  
"You said I could stay up until Mamma got home," the little boy said.  
  
Johnny rubbed his temples with his fingers. He got the whole 'father' thing down, but it was the habit he had of making promises he couldn't keep that pissed him off.  
  
"You mother's later than expected. Go to bed,"  
  
Sighing, Todd obeyed his father. He walked into his bedroom and angrily slammed the door.  
  
Johnny looked out the window. He saw a young woman walking down the sidewalk. She stopped under a streetlight and waved at him. Johnny waved back. Jezebel had a habit of doing that, but it was mainly so she knew if Johnny was still up. She prepared to walk foreword, but was stopped by a man dressed in black. Johnny could hear the man talking to Jezebel.  
  
"Hello, Doc," he said.  
  
Jezebel looked puzzled.  
  
"I'm not a psychiatrist anymore. Do I know you?"  
  
The man sneered, his face hidden behind a mask.  
  
"You should, you personally saw that I was locked away. I'm out now..."  
  
Jezebel backed away.  
  
"Keep away from me! I'm armed!" she said, nervously pulling a small bottle of mace out of her purse.  
  
Johnny sped down the stairs. He pulled out the knife he had strapped to his boot.  
  
"Oh, I don't need to fear that," said the masked man, smiling wickedly.  
  
"Because, I'm not going to kill you from close range," he pulled out a gun and pointed it at Jezebel. Jezebel's eyes widened in fear. Johnny crept up behind the masked man. The man heard him, however, and kicked him in the stomach. Johnny fell to his knees; the knife fell from his hand.  
  
"Ah, your husband, right?" asked the masked figure, not moving the gun away.  
  
Jezebel gasped.  
  
"Ah, I remember you! You're the one who clamed to sent by..."  
  
Johnny looked up just in time to hear the crack of the gun being fired. He saw Jezebel slump to the ground. She was dying. Johnny raced foreword, kneeling next to his wife. Blood trickled down her mouth. She choked.  
  
"Johnny...Remember the movie 'City of Angels'?" she whispered.  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"The scene when the little girl died, and the angel asked her what her favorite thing in life was?" Johnny asked. Jezebel nodded.  
  
"It's real..." she gasped.  
  
Johnny felt tears fall down his face. Blood was pooling around the two of them.  
  
"What are you going to say?" Johnny asked her. Those words made him start sobbing.  
  
"My...favorite thing...in life was...you and our son..." Jezebel whispered. She coughed.  
  
"Jezebel, please...don't go. I can't raise Todd all by myself...I need you," Johnny said, holding her hand.  
  
"Squee says hi..." Jezebel muttered.   
  
Johnny sniffed, only to break down sobbing again. He death of his brother was still fresh in his mind. Jezebel began singing weakly.  
  
"My reflection  
  
Wraps and pulls me under  
  
Telling me wants us to be   
  
Bathed in Brena  
  
Guide men safely in  
  
Worlds I've never been to..."  
  
Jezebel stopped, her body went rigid in Johnny's arms. She had died. The killer was standing behind Johnny. Johnny rose, turning to face his wife's murderer.  
  
"You mother-fu-" Johnny could not think of a decent insult.  
  
"You killed my wife!" he screamed.  
  
The killer smiled, he pulled off his mask. Johnny gasped.  
  
The man was horribly deformed.  
  
"She ruined my life!" he snapped. Johnny knew that voice.  
  
"Jimmy?!"  
  
Jimmy laughed, but it sounded like a low growl.   
  
"Ah, so the artist remembers the student,"   
  
Johnny shook his head; he rose to his feet, the knees of his pants saturated in his wife's blood.  
  
"I thought I killed you," he whispered.  
  
Jimmy glared.  
  
"I'm living off borrowed time, I was locked away by that bitch you call a wife! She locked me up. Signed the papers herself. I've lived off revenge. I wanted to kill her, then you, because of what you did to me years ago. Only then will I die happy," he said.  
  
Johnny felt lightheaded. He picked up the knife.  
  
"So, you think I'll succumb to your will and let you kill me?" Johnny asked.  
  
Jimmy smirked, he pulled out one of his own knives.   
  
"No, I know that you're the type of person who'll go down in flame and glory,"  
  
Johnny glared.  
  
"You'll pay for destroying the one thing that made me happy," he said.  
  
Jimmy smiled. He twirled the knife skillfully in his hands.  
  
"To the death, then?"  
  
Johnny nodded.  
  
"To the death,"  
  
Johnny made the first move. He lunged at Jimmy. Mmy jumped back, sending Johnny into a trashcan. Jimmy grinned.  
  
"You're losing your touch. What's the matter, fatherhood too trying?" he asked.  
  
The color drained from Nny's face.  
  
"How did you know I have a child?"  
  
Jimmy blinked, as though he was surprised by the question.  
  
"I know all about you. So, tell me, how was your wife in bed?"  
  
Johnny lunged at Jimmy again, this time, planting the knife into his shoulder.  
  
"You prick. You've been stalking my family and I, haven't you?! HAVEN'T YOU?!"  
  
Jimmy grinned, the expression was slightly tainted with pain.  
  
"It's better to be the right hand of the devil, than in his path," he said.  
  
Johnny's eyes widened. He read news reports of a killer, who always wrote that same phrase on the walls of his victim's place of death...He'd write it in blood...  
  
"You...You're the Devil's Hand Killer?!"  
  
Jimmy sighed.  
  
"So, you are smart. Yes, I am the Devil's Hand Killer, as the media calls me,"  
  
Johnny overruled him.  
  
"Why?! Why my family? Tell me now, you little fuck!" he said, extracting the knife from Jimmy's shoulder.  
  
"You're whole family is living off borrowed time," he said.  
  
"It's my job to end it all. Your son nearly died from heart complications at birth, you came back because neither heaven nor hell could take you, and your wife overdosed twice on her medication, and she was brought back by your brother, after you stabbed her."  
  
Johnny wanted to ask more, but he didn't want Jimmy to run. He had to kill him now. Nny looked back at his wife's body. Her eyes were open; her facial expression was one of pain. Johnny felt his anger rise.  
  
"I am going to kill you," he vowed, turning back to Jimmy.  
  
The disfigured killer's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Try," he said.  
  
"Go on, take a slice at me."  
  
Johnny growled.  
  
"I'll do more than that," he sneered. He rammed Jimmy's head on into a brick wall. He bound the disfigured man's hands together with a shoelace.  
  
"I will never forgive you, Jimmy. NEVER! You stole the most precious thing in my life from me. My wife may be dead, but I will not allow you to harm my son!" he said, his eyes burned with utmost loathing.   
  
Johnny found himself crying, weeping for Jezebel, and for his son. He only prayed that Todd was not watching. Anger turned to loathing as Johnny saw Jimmy smiling. He showed no remorse for killing Jezebel, only because he felt none. Johnny could hear the doughboys returning.  
  
  
  
"Kill him! You have a reason! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"  
  
Johnny screamed.  
  
"OKAY!!!"  
  
Johnny brought the knife down, planting it in Jimmy's chest. He pulled the knife out, and Jimmy's beating heart came with it. Nny immediately threw the knife to the ground. He gagged. His stomach felt as though it would cut itself open.  
  
"Oh Christ..."  
  
Johnny knew he was going to be sick.  
  
"Oh sweet mother Mary..."  
  
He turned and vomited into a trashcan.   
  
"What has turned me into this monster?" he asked himself aloud. He wiped his lips with his sleeve. Sighing sadly, he picked up his wife's body. He shouted for Todd to get in his room. Johnny stepped inside his house.   
  
"Stay in your room, Todd. Don't come out until I say so," he said, gently laying Jezebel's body on the couch. Johnny picked up the phone and dialed a number.  
  
"Hello, Mom? It's Johnny..."   
  
Johnny had found Brenda Casail's name in the phone book a while back. He choked back tears. He wasn't sure if he could get the words out.  
  
"Jezebel's dead. She's been murdered,"  
  
A/n: Oh god...I've seen Frailty too many times... 


End file.
